Successful strategy of negotiating conflicts in interpersonal relationships

Day after day, colleagues, friends, family and share with others their relationship problems, pointing to this or that problem and why this or that person did so and so. This is very common. What is not common, however, is a quick, painless negotiation of these conflicts. I argue that there is a very simple formula to solve virtually any conflict between two people and that anyone, regardless of education or background can use it. It is based on something everyone does from time to time, but it escapes most people faced with a conflict with another, especially someone close to them with whom they have an emotional connection. The next time a family member does something you do not like, or a friend says something you disagree, think about what is written here.

Remember, this formula applies across the board: colleagues, friends, relatives, lovers, spouses, former spouses.

From here on, I will use Chris to refer to the person you are having a conflict.

1.) First, put the record straight and establish what exactly is the conflict. If you and Chris fought, is what you fought about what really is bothering you (or Chris)? If you do not know the answer to this question, stop right there. Before you think more about how to resolve this conflict, it is necessary to approach Chris and sit-down with him / her. When you do, do nothing but ask questions. I could go on and on questions that might be addressed, but also the essence of it is to get Chris to open. Ask probing questions about how Chris feels and what exactly that is bothering him / her. If you are getting silly answers, do not feel frustrated. Ask more questions, only in a different way. There are two very important things to remember: stay calm and ask questions. Ask questions. Ask questions. I can not stress enough. This first part of the negotiation of conflicts is very important. Without the facts and knowledge of the true nature of the conflict, and Chris will be handling a problem that leads to nowhere. Talking about a problem with the surface that occurred because of a profound lack of understanding is probably the number one cause of the conflict itself, so as not to fall into this trap. Once you know that the conflict is really, if you're already talking with Chris or not, the next step is simple.

2.) Make a (another) problem. It 's really that simple. Do not believe me? Try it. When I have a discussion with a significant other, for example, and we get to the point of "dead air" when neither of us has something constructive to say, I do not "let go". I think of a question that will make her repeat her side. When my boss tells me something about my performance that I disagree with, I did not storm off and scolding him / her with the reasons he / she is wrong. I wonder how he / she came to this conclusion. I left him / her speech and if you still disagree, I ask another question. It 'amazing how much information we are missing and not know it.

There are four types of knowledge: the knowledge that you have and you know you have the knowledge you have and do not realize they have until it comes time to use it, the knowledge we have and I know it is not and Finally, the knowledge we have not and do not realize that you did not. Perhaps not surprisingly, this last block contains the highest percentage and the unknown-not knowing exactly what motivates conflict.

As I said, if you are skeptical, try it. There have been books written on books on interpersonal conflict (I know, I read a lot of them), but in today's society, we do not have time to assess the "costs and benefits", to understand our own and others' management style conflict ", and to study the topic at length only to get embroiled in more information than we can ever use. This is a practical and simple way to try to make the most of the conflicts painless for all involved. In fact, I find that my relationships are now closer because of it. Remember, the questions are the only way to know what you do not know you do not know .......